On && On....

I cant believe I'm actually going to write this. this topic is normally accustomed to the pages of my diary. (lol journal if it makes you feel more comfortable) Im bored and pretty much at the point where I could care less.

this probably has nothing to do with what I am about to write but curiosity prevails. I once heard that wondering leads to actions and actions determine who you are. That would mean that a kid that wondered what would happen if they stole a piece of chewing gum from the corner store, then did it would then be labeled as a thief.
I think placing labels on things totally disrupts the world. I might have danced before but I'm not a dancer. Life is not defined by the thoughts you had, nor by the labels society place on us; more so by the actions and experiences that we encounter.

many people wonder why i keep my relationships private or why I dont have them.
i feel like that is the one aspect of my life that doesnt need to be wanted by popular demand.
i was raised to be independent in all aspects. From my thinking to my lifestyle; its hard for me to even want others to do for me. I honestly think Im bi-polar. everyone is familiar with the cliche' its not you, its me; but with me that is always the case. Ive tried to break my habits and get out of my stubborn ways but it never seems to work. I always come out looking like the bad guy so I have vowed not to even waste my time.

I think one day the right person will be able to break down these walls that covet my true feelings but I know that I have to be willing. One of my ultimate favorite songs is India Arie's I am Ready For Love. Sometimes I wish I were the one singing it instead of her.

...i am ready for love. why are you hiding from me. I'd quickly give my freedom to be held in your captivity. ..lately ive been thinking maybe youre not ready for me. maybe you think i need to learn maturity....i will be patient kind faithful and true to a man who loves music...a man who loves art..respects the spirit world and thinks with his heart.

but at the end of the day it all comes back to me. Im not really ready.
Its crazy. I get angry when I get too much attention but attracted when I dont get any. I think one of my main problems is that I always settle for less and take what is available. I run away all the good ones and stick with the bad until they piss me off.

Labeled as cold-hearted, or mean. That completely isnt fair. Should I be faulted because I dont have the same outlook as you?
I hate Valentines day and PDA is gross...Titles are pointless because they add on seriousness. I have come to think that keeping things simple, with room to roam makes "it" more fun.

above is a pic from last Valentines. spent with my friends.

idk. im just venting.

Sincerely,

Danielle.

Strange Fruit...

Growing up we learned of many historical events which were supposed to not only teach us about our history but also give us a sense of appreciation for our culture. As a child I did not realize how it could possibly be vital to my everyday life. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have to work so hard.

As a child, I remember going on trips to St.Louis and seeing my family dress in traditional Afrikan clothing. In the midst of my naivety I thought they were out of their minds merely because I knew we weren't African; I use that loosely.

I felt weird and wouldn't really worship when we went to church being that I was the odd ball in normal clothes. Its crazy because the past few times we have went out there I would get mad if we didn't go. Hehe thats my grandma. I just love the picture.
I guess the reason I am writing all of this is because I have a new found interest in my culture. I love learning new things and this is something I'd like to dedicate majority of my time to. Most of the women in my family got the same tattoo which is the Ankh. No I do not believe tattooing the symbols of this culture will indite me into it but I believe it will give me an everyday reminder of what I am striving for.

The Ankh is a West African [Adinkra] symbol which represents life. My family uses it to represent 'family'. Above you will see it in the middle of Africa on the sign of my family's church. The loop at the top is believed to represent the female. The pole at the bottom is believed to represent the male. && together they make life. Whether you see it as a symbol of life, family, or Ra (the god of sun) it is believed to be a very powerful symbol and I love it.

A big part of my families beliefs is that once you learn something, or are given something, you should then pass it on. Similar to the movie Pay it Forward. This ideal is represented by the Sankofa bird.



Im sure you all have seen the next one.
GYE NYAME. I have no earthly idea how you pronounce it but in literal terms it means "except for god." Many people get this tattoo with the words "..only god can judge me," beneath it.

Now im not trying to lecture you on the African culture because I wouldnt even know where to start; I found interest in this and I wanted to put it out there in case anyone else did.

For more symbols type West African Adinkra Symbols into Google or Yahoo and you will get a list along with meanings.



Sincerely,
Danielle.